TMI: Lactose Poisoning | A Night Gone Stinkingly Wrong

Heads up: This is a post about inner beauty and is not your traditional beauty blogger post. Needed to share this story with you all, but the usual posts will resume next week!


Say hello to your classic Saturday. Myself and hubby slept in, chilled in the hammock on our back deck and caught up with friends. Following a delicious dinner at Green Roof with some of my favourite people, we decided to walk to a nearby cafe for dessert.

Post ‘walking off’ (we all know we did not walk anywhere near enough to have walked off the calories from dinner LOL) our dinner, we stepped into the normally trustworthy and popular Eurobar, Beaumont St, Newcastle. Not it’s not a bar, LOL. Eurobar is a cafe which has a large selection of cakes and is thankfully open late-ish.

After spending way to long picking a treat from the cakes display, we got ready to order. I ordered a Lemon Tart to share, and a SOY hot chocolate. They brought the lemon tart, followed by some ‘normal milk’ hot chocolates for some of my friends, and here’s where things all went wrong. The waitress: “Two soy hot chocolates?” Me and friend who likes soy “YAS, over here please.”


I want to quote some of the things we were saying while drinking our hot chocolates, so you understand our mindset.

“Wow, they even did fancy foam art, they normally don’t do any when I order something on soy!” (If you follow me on Snapchat, you would have seen the gorgeous creation. I don’t know whether snapping reflects on whether it was a good night or not? 😛 ).

“This hot chocolate tastes so good, doesn’t even taste like soy.”

“Golly, this is the best foam someone’s ever done for any soy beverages I’ve had.”

“Yummy, yummy hot chocolate.”

Me post hot chocolate: *Hmm, I feel a bit sick, must have ate too much.* (Which was true, LOL).

Time for the walk back to our cars…

Me 15 minutes post hot chocolate: “I feel sick. Mark (hubby), I don’t feel right.”

Me 18 minutes post hot chocolate: “I have nausea and my guts feel awful, so I think that might have been a normal hot chocolate.”

Me 20 minutes post hot chocolate with bowels expanding, and full on look-7-months-pregnant-bloating going on: “Yep, there was definitely normal milk in that hot chocolate. Gah, I feel so sick. I’ll be fine though, let’s just go home.”

Me 22 minutes post, pain setting in, feel belly skin being stretched from bloating: “I feel like I’m going to throw up. I don’t know if I’ll make it.”

Hubby: “Okay, <Mel’s brother> walk Mel to the servo (it was very close to our car), I’ll get the car and meet you there.”

Me 25 minutes post, “I feel so sick. Lactose, Y U DO DIS.”


I power walked into servo, straight to toilet (thankfully unoccupied and not covered in poop!), locked the door and finally get to sit down on the loo! Golly, was I thankful for easy access to a toilet (aka. the beloved refuge of a person with food intolerances/IBS!). Thankfully, lactose does not cause things to ‘run’ for me, but perhaps the opposite (TMI, I know, but you were warned!). There was pain, there was grunting, there was gas, there was little progress. Thankfully the pain, especially from bloating had subsided. But I still needed some much needed toilet time.


I’d barely been on the loo for 10 minutes before someone came by and banged on the door and told me to hurry up! This happened 3 more times and was really distressful :(. I managed to put myself on a pause, and leave, and discovered a ‘Party Bus’ had pulled up at the servo, the worst timing! As we were driving home, one of my friends called the cafe and complained, I rushed inside home and straight to my sanctuary where no one could disturb me! I spent most of the evening in bed with two heat packs and an electric blanket.


I felt ill for the next couple days and was forced to spend the majority of my Sunday in bed. What a waste! Believe me, I won’t be risking a class of milk anytime soon, unless I know for sure it’s lactose free!!

Let me tell you, I was not feeling beautiful on the inside whatsoever. So, look after your bodies and be careful with what you eat/drink!

Anyone else been lactose poisoned? However, I hope for your sake the answer is no!



  1. 03/10/2016 / 9:48 am

    OMG mel!!! what a terrible experience 🙁 I am so sorry you had to go through that. I dont’ understand why they would give you normal milk when you asked for soy, unless they had a mix up? My goodness it would’ve been deadly, like giving someone a nut brownie when they are allergic to nuts. Did the cafĂ© ever apologise or respond to the complaint?

    • MEL
      06/10/2016 / 6:24 pm

      They may have apologised when my friend was making the complaint on the phone, but who knows!

  2. Sarah Matulewicz
    03/10/2016 / 12:33 pm

    My mum get this ALL THE TIME – especially from any gloria jeans cafe. It’s so effing rude! Not only are they charging you extra, they’re not even giving it to you!
    I used to work in a cafe (thankfully it’s closed) where to boss made the coffees – and he would fill the 2L skim milk bottle (ie the one with the label – like how you buy it from the shops!) with whole milk because it was cheaper. So when you saw him use “skim” milk it was actually full cream. Such an a**hole!
    I’m so sorry for your pain! As a skim milk only person who cannot handle full fat products, I understand your pain! x

    • Sarah Matulewicz
      03/10/2016 / 12:33 pm

      *where the boss
      Sorry for the typo!

    • MEL
      06/10/2016 / 6:24 pm

      That’s awful that he did that! Wish people would respect our choices more! Thanks for the support lovely x

  3. 05/10/2016 / 3:37 pm

    Sounds like a stinky mess! Just lucky it was an intolerance and not an allergy too! Hope you and your bowels are feeling better!!! Trangles xoxo

    • MEL
      06/10/2016 / 6:25 pm

      Very lucky it isn’t an allergy! Would be so hard to eat out ever. Thanks lovely Trangles, feeling much better x

  4. 07/10/2016 / 2:21 pm

    Oh how awful! I am not tolerating lactose lately so have been drinking lactose free milk but you really do rely on a cafe or coffee place to serve you what you asked for. A casual attitude to people’s food intolerances (oh, they just don’t like the taste, how bad can it be) can be life threatening!

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